Elvis has endorsed Labour, ConservativeHome reports.

Desperate times call for desperate measures, they say. And the Labour campaign took a surreal turn this morning. The great relaunch of Labour’s campaign took place this morning at an event in Corby – where Louise Bagshawe is poised to oust Labour MP Phil Hope – and involved Brown making a series of outrageous claims about how a Conservative government would reduce the NHS to a ’sub-standard’ service.

His scare-mongering claims were all the more spurious given that the Conservatives have of course promised to increase spending on the NHS in real terms – a commitment which not even Labour will match.

And then came the weird bit. Onto the stage then came Labour’s latest secret weapon: an Elvis impersonator. It really was quite bizarre.

I have not been able to verify reports that Labour is now considering using the 1958 Elvis B-side I Got Stung as its new campaign song, or indeed that Brown will adopt the King’s little-known 1971 single I’m Leavin’ as his personal theme at remaining campaign events…

Click here to watch the video of the bizarre spectacle

Gordon Brown urged the voters “Don’t Leave Me Now” and to re-elect him “Big Boss Man” whilst accepting his poll ratings were “Way Down” on the last election. The Labour Prime Minister launched fighting back by accusing David Cameron of being “The Devil In Disguise” and “Nothing But A Hound Dog” with plans to cut “Too Much” before boarding his “Long Black Limosine” en route to his “Mystery Train”. Elsewhere Home Secretary and former postman Alan Johnson complained at the amount of leaflets being marked “Return to Sender”, stating “Doing The Best I Can”.

Meanwhile Conservative Shadow Business Secretary Ken Clarke was warning a Lib-Lab coalition in a hung parliament would be “Double Trouble”, urging voters in a street market to try on his “Blue Suede Shoes”. Meanwhile David Cameron admited that the polls remained “All Shook Up” but that voting Conservative was the only way to change the government. “It’s Now Or Never,” he told crowds In The Ghetto he was visiting, “We Can’t Go On Like This With Suspicious Minds”.

Bouyed by the polls, Nick Clegg urged voters “Please Don’t Stop Loving Me” as a new survey by YoGov revealed 55% of voters “Can’t Help Falling In Love” with the Lib Dem leader but don’t see him as a suitable PM. It’s far from “Burning Love”, polling experts told reporters. Critics accused the Lib Dems of planning a “Jailhouse Rock” by being soft on crime.

Click here if you don’t get it.

Labour has launched its second Party Election Broadcast. Carrying on the Z-List Celebrity theme they’ve trotted out Eddie Izzard for this low budget feature filmed in an empty room [clearly they are a popular party]. It’s not funny and it’s not clever, but then what was I expecting?

So with Mr Izzard that makes two endorsements for Labour – a comedian who likes running and the son of Worzel Gummage.

I should have known something was wrong when I first saw how people were voting in the Real Crisps Election. Whilst actual polls such as YouGov were giving the Conservatives 6 to 8 point leads over Labour, actual voters were overwhelmingly endorsing Clegg Crisps over Cameron Crisps, with Brown a distant third.

Now the only differences between these two polls are (1) Real Crisps are pitting leader against leader in Presidential style rather than party against party, (2) Real Crisps polling isn’t weighted to be demographically representative, and (3) Real Crisps polling has no tactical voting as (a) anyone could win it and (b) it doesn’t really matter because it’s just for fun. You could therefore say that ordinary polls such as YouGov, ICM and MORI survey how people plan to vote, whilst Real Crisps survey how people would like to.

Generally people do vote how they plan to, rather than how they would like to, as we make choices based on reality and not just idealism. We use our heads as well as our hearts – which is why pollsters ask what people will/would do rather than what they’d like to do.

Having been out of power since 1933 (as a coalition partner) and 1915 (as a single party) the Liberal Democrats are untainted by events and free of historic baggage, making them appeal to people’s hearts. Voters’ heads however have always kept the Lib Dems contained as choices in elections are held back by the reality barrier of who could possibly win, Labour or Conservative, and preference between those. Only in by-elections where the result won’t affect who’s in Downing Street or where the Lib Dems are incumbent is this overcome, and we all know how well it is overcome. Lib Dems are by-election masters and near impossible to unseat.

This reality barrier however is now broken. The televised debates made the contest Presidential and – by giving the three leaders equal status – made the contest a three horse race in which anyone could win. Along with the media coverage it turned the race into the Real Crisps Election. We all remember the billboard from 2005 (see right) “If you thought the Lib Dems could win in your area, this is how you’d vote” in which the country is almost turned yellow. This is fast becoming reality – people are thinking they could win, locally at least, and fears of a hung parliament are gaining no traction.

Many people don’t like Labour but still vote Labour because they really dislike the Conservatives – as soon as they think a Liberal vote isn’t a wasted vote, they switch. Many people don’t like Conservatives but still vote Conservative because they really dislike Labour – as soon as they think a Liberal vote isn’t a wasted vote, they switch. And here lies the problem for both Labour and Conservatives. They both need a new strategy and fast.

Labour’s first Party Election Broadcast (PEB) “The Road Ahead” has hit our screens and vanished off to the archives with little impact, it was however telling of Labour’s campaign. All they have now is fear of change.

“The Road Ahead” apparently stars Sean Pertwee (I didn’t recognise him), who is best known as the son of Jon Pertwee, who played the 3rd Doctor Who and Worzel Gummage. Pertwee was the Doctor after Patrick Troughton but before Tom Baker, not as good as Tom Baker but better than Sylvester McCoy. As celebrity endorsements go, the son of Worzel Gummage and 4th best Doctor Who is rather poor.

Pertwee name drops his dad – “My father always said ‘don’t give up’, ’show resolve’ – just in case we forget who he is, after climbing a rather moderate hill and declaring ‘wow’ at a bleak looking lanscape. Then it’s time for the usual tripe.

More interesting is its remarkable similarity to this video. If you thought Labour winning again was enough to send you to drink – it looks like Labour’s ad agency have been driven to it already…

This weekend the Conservatives have descended on the beautiful Regency City of Brighton on the Sussex coast for a conference rather optimistically called the 2010 “Spring Forum”. February is not Spring, it’s very much still Winter – which is why I’m not there – but this seasonal confusion has affected all the parties who are holding their “Spring” get togethers early due to the as yet unknown date of the election, so I’ll let them off.

Ahead of the last Spring Forum, held in the also beautiful Regency town of Cheltenham in April 2009, the Party enjoyed a 18-point lead over Labour (CON 45, LAB 27) in the YouGov polls for the Telegraph and Sunday People. Today the poll lead is just 6-points (CON 39, LAB 33) in the YouGov poll, now conducted daily for The Sun. Despite this sudden turn-around there has been very little analysis, something Liberal Conspiracy points out. They of course trot out the usual guff about “bad policies, wrong rhettotic, Cameron, and shaky support” – and as usual get it wrong. So to spare them any more confusion, I thought I’d do my own analysis. Here then is why the poll lead has dived.

Reason #1 – Unwinding of “mid-term blues”
All governing parties usually suffer in the polls during their period in office, generally picking up near the end. Labour had a lead in the middle of each of Thatcher’s three terms, but lost in ‘83, ‘87 and ‘92. The fall in Conservative support and rise in Labour support is in part the unwinding of these “mid-term blues”, and though disappointing is to be expected.

Reason #2 – “All substance and no style”
Usually critics attack the Conservatives as being “all style and no substance” – they’re wrong, it’s the other way round! The Conservatives have tons of policies – too many in fact to campaign on – an issue which is made worse by poor stylising. The recent billboard with its confused message being a case in point. Most people do not vote on policies, even fewer on policies poorly presented. Instead they are valence voters, more interested in the person who is leader and the broad direction of travel they will take than in the minor details of policy. They are electing a Prime Minister, not picking a policy shopping list. They want to know who the leader is as a person, whether they are motivated by the same things as they are, and in what sort of way they will react to events as yet unknown. They want to know they are on the same wave length – “one of us” or “thinks like I do”. For Conservatives this is even more important as they cannot fall back on “class” like Labour can – they have to connect with voters on a more philosophical “way of thinking” basis. The Conservatives have been too detailed on policy but too vague on who they are as people and what they believe in.

Reason #3 – Brown’s makeover
Peter Mandelson says that he can’t get Gordon Brown hairbrushed let alone airbrushed – what rubbish! Gordon Brown has had one of the biggest and most drastic makeovers ever seen by stealth. The voice has been refined, the walk softened, a smile created – he had to do hours of exercises to achieve this – and the hair dyed, though not completely. The gaffes such as the misplaced auto-cue have been banished.

With the poll lead now so narrow that the odds of Labour winning have been cut to 5/1, work is needed to demonstrate what a Conservative government would be like.

One of my current projects is MyBillboard.Net, a conservative version of MyDavidCameron – the site by Labour activists for spoof Tory billboards – and its automated billboard generator. This new website will be linked up with ConservativeHome’s new MyLaboutPoster, to which I have offered the generator. Currently I’m finalising a few server issues for v1 to launch tonight I hope, this initial launch offering users the ability to add their text to a number of pre-made poster designs and share them from the site. By Friday and possibly tomorrow however I hope to have v1.1 live, which will allow users to upload their own background images as well. In the meantime try not to get too excited about the possibilities and enjoy these posters I’ve generated featuring some new Labour voters – be sure to read the small print.

And you should read this to go with the last one.

Shane Greer has a blog post about Labour’s latest billboard, which is as apt for photoshopping as the recent Tory one.

ToryRascal has his own poster. As does Ollie Cromwell.

If you have any ideas of your own, get in touch.

UPDATE: Thanks to TrevorsDen who submitted this idea.

UPDATE 2: As requested, the blank template. E-Mail me your creations and/or links.

As we approach a general election year, a number of sitting Labour MP’s have decided to flee the sinking ship before it goes down by announcing their decision to retire at the next election. No one wants to be beaten at the polls, so through a mix of realism, cowardice and pre-emptive job hunting, they plan ahead.

One MP not going down this route, despite an at risk majority, is Labour “Twitter Tsar” Kerry McCarthy, who is following a dangerous strategy of antagonising Conservative activists. As ToryBear writes…

Kerry McCarthy, expenses fiddler and general embarrassment, not only to the Labour Party but to all MPs, especially those on her own side who cringe at her omnishamble existence, needs to go.

Is she crazy? Is she trying to distract resources away from other target seats – offering herself voluntarily to steal our focus and entangle us in a wasteful decapitation strategy? Or is she hoping for public sympathy, portraying herself as a victim of a nasty campaign? Who knows, but we should be careful.

My latest post on ConservativeHome CentreRight:

Tomorrow is the pre-budget report (PBR) in which the Chancellor will attempt to spin success from the grips of failure, boom from the unmitigated bust, stability from the tremors of recession, victory from the jaws of defeat. He may as well abandon all pretence – even the great conjurer Brown cannot magic up any more fictional fixes, mystery millions or surprise spending sprees. The country is on the verge of going bust. If the structural deficit of nearly 8% of GDP is not addressed we will almost certainly lose our current credit rating, increasing the cost of public and private borrowing, sending more businesses and homeowners into bankruptcy, sending yet more people into long term unemployment – the nation forced into even deeper cuts and tax hikes across the board to control the cost of borrowing.

…

Less a Hoover, more of a Dyson, Labour’s financial vacuum’s suction never wanes and its bag is never full. They say that money talks; under Labour it screams for help! Unless the United Kingdom wishes to decay into obscurity, the next government has no option but to cut spending – and the battle for a mandate to do so begins with the Conservative response to the PBR tomorrow.

Read the full article here.